Piedmonters are enjoying the lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer and many of us took last trips to the beach or to the mountains before school started. Modern Ed received a flurry of letters about house-sitting; not from home owners but the house sitters. And there is some eye-opening behavior by our neighbors that is less than courteous to those we entrust to safeguard our homes and pets. Read on!
Dear Modern Ed:
Our neighbors recently asked our college-aged daughter to watch their house and take care of their dog while they were up in Tahoe. While she was there one evening, their adult son came over unannounced and let himself in. My daughter was terrified and didn’t know if someone was breaking in and she almost called the police. When I mentioned this to my neighbor she was dismissive that this was a big deal as our daughter knows their son. Am I making too big of a deal of this?
Bump in the Night
Dear Bump:
How terrifying for your daughter. Knowing the identity of a person coming into a home when you are alone is reassuring — if you are expecting someone — but it’s too late when you are expecting to be alone. Busy people arranging for a vacation often recruit a house-sitter and then quickly go back to focusing on the more exciting details of their vacation. Especially if it is someone they know and who knows their pet. If they took one minute and put themselves in your daughter’s shoes, they would have taken the time to explain the nuances of the house, who might drop by and when, and what to do when something seems amiss. You and your daughter should take this opportunity to write down a list of questions to ask neighbors before future house-sitting engagements. As your neighbor has been dismissive of your daughter’s fear in this current incident, I would recommend that your daughter is no longer available for future engagements with them or that she increase her daily rate.
Thank you for writing,
Modern Ed
Dear Modern Ed:
Good friends of ours asked our teenage son to house-sit and watch their dog on a recent long weekend. Our son is very responsible and he was hoping to work on his college essays during what he hoped would be a quiet weekend. What our neighbors neglected to tell our son was that the reason they were heading to Sea Ranch was that they were having the inside of their house painted! It was awful. As my son came back from walking the dog, their painters had let themselves in and were unloading supplies and draping furniture. When he saw a van outside and the door open he almost called the police. All day, the painters were talking and listening to music. In the evening, the fumes from the fresh paint were strong enough my son had to keep the windows open at night which felt insecure. Why on earth were our friends thinking and why wouldn’t they mention this to our son? I feel like I should say something but I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship. Any advice?
Were you going to tell me?
Dear Tell Me:
How lovely for your friends to go on vacation and come home to a freshly painted home! Modern Ed is mystified why they neglected to mention this one, little, teeny detail to your son. While something should be said, it should not come from you but your son. This is a learning moment for both him and your friends. At some point, he should tell them that he almost called the police when he found strange men inside their home and had wished they had informed him that they had hired painters. And leave it at that. The inconveniences of noise and fumes are probably better left unsaid unless he relates how hard it was on their dog; in other words, putting it in terms they might listen to. If your son isn’t comfortable broaching this subject, I would resist the temptation to say something and move on.
Thank you for writing,
Modern Ed
Dear Modern Ed:
Friends of my parents recently asked me to take care of their dog while they went to Europe. I’ve known and liked their dog since I was a little kid but he has aged quite a bit while I was away in college. What my parents’ friends neglected to mention was how much he had aged. They told me to walk him around the block twice a day but he could barely get off the couch and appeared so uncomfortable when I tried to get him to go out. That and the dog had sores, was blind in one eye, was deaf, and uninterested in food. I didn’t feel prepared for this or able to make the dog comfortable. Do you think these people purposely didn’t mention their dog’s condition or perhaps they don’t see it because they are with their dog everyday?
Old Dog
Dear Old Dog:
Your friends most likely observe their dog’s physical decline gradually every day and incorrectly assumed you were up to speed on his current condition. Their neglecting to mention it wasn’t a way to obscure the problem but rather an oversight of familiarity. That’s assuming the best in people. The opposite, of course, is that they needed a dog sitter for their trip to Europe and were having trouble finding someone. Either way, it doesn’t change the fact that it was a shocking surprise for you, unpleasant, and discouraging that you could not help make their poor dog comfortable. It’s needless to say that your friends should have updated you on their dog’s current condition. Modern Ed believes there is nothing to be gained by pointing out your friends’ lack of consideration. Rather, thank them for the opportunity, ask about the welfare of their dog, and cheerfully decline any invitations to watch their pets in the future.
Thank you for writing,
Modern Ed
Dear Modern Ed:
I just house sat for friends who spent a week in Maui. They neglected to tell me that they were having the exterior of their home painted while they were gone. I wrote to them in Maui and asked why they didn’t mention this and they said, being the exterior, they didn’t think it would matter. But – wow – there were painters on ladders looking through windows, there were windows being masked, and they asked to come in, understandably, to use the bathroom. That and they showed up at 7:30 am every morning to set up. Had I known this I would have declined this gig. Do you think my friends purposely didn’t tell me?
Thought I was helping you out
Dear Thought:
What is it with people going on vacation and scheduling painters? Modern Ed is obviously not up on this trend but will consider it for all future vacations. Unfortunately for Modern Ed, the money to paint the house usually is the vacation budget so this wouldn’t be an option. Modern Ed subscribes to a principle that simply says, “don’t make your problem someone else’s problem.” In this case, your friends wanted to paint their home but didn’t want the inconvenience of living at home while all that work was going on. Which is fine. But if it is a problem for them, why would they think it wouldn’t be a problem for someone they hired to watch their home. They should have mentioned it. Your mentioning their oversight to them will most likely not change their behavior and won’t make you feel better. Time to move on.
Thank you for writing,
Modern Ed